The lion who fell in love with the lamb...
This Ten Happy Things is a stretch. I almost didn't want to do one. At this time last year, I didn't do a list because…..well……because of this:
| The Daily Show With Jon Stewart | Mon - Thurs 11p / 10c | |||
| Cryin' Shame | ||||
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However, I'm determined to not let the stupid Mets ruin my outlook on life so I'm going on with Ten Happy Things anyway. I mean, it's not a total loss. It's just baseball…
"Just baseball…." Sounded good, right? Raise you hand if you totally don't believe I have any sincerity buried in that statement. ;-)
10. I'll start with baseball just to get it out of the way. Despite
the Mets collapse for the second consecutive year (motherfuckers!), the
greatest of all phrases in baseball was uttered by Rem Dawg when the
Red Sox clinched a playoff berth…. "the Yankees have been
mathematically eliminated." Yeah, that just makes my day. Really,
when it comes down to it, while I prefer some teams more than others,
I'm good with whatever team that wins the World Series this year
because it's guaranteed that it won't be the damn Yankees. They won't even be a presence in the post season. That, in and of itself, is reason to celebrate life.
8. Speaking of Sergio, how awesome was the Ryder Cup? Okay, I will admit that I was rooting for the Europeans more than the Americans overall. I tend to not root for a team. I
root for individual golfers….and the European team had my two favorite
golfers so, you know, I was rooting for those two dudes. Plus, I hate Boo Weekley. I mean, I really loathe this man….so I truly did not want to see him win. I don't care if that makes me unpatriotic. If being patriotic means I have to cheer for Boo Weekley, well then I guess I'm unpatriotic. But
the Americans won, which is really good for golf, and Nick Faldo made
an idiot out of himself, which is really good for me because he annoys
the piss out of me, and best of all, Jim Furyk, who is the reason I
ever started watching golf and who is the first golfer I ever really
loved and followed, won the winning point for the Americans. That was cool. He cried. I cried too. I love Jim Furyk. He's a joy to watch. So is that Anthony Kim. He's like watching Sergio six or seven years ago. He's a pip and a half. It kind of made up for the sting of Sergio playing like relative crap for the first time in his Ryder Cup career. He was recovering from bronchitis. He was coughing like he was trying to dislodge something stuck on the bottom of his shoe through his larynx. I'll give him a pass. Why? Because Ian Poulter made it all okay, that's why. Holy flipping hell. Ian Poulter was so good, I could have died. It was almost a shame that his team lost because he played so damn well, he deserved to win. He played the best golf of his career. If
for no other reason, I got endless joy out of watching this year's
Ryder Cup because I got to watch Ian be awesome AND stylish instead of
just being kind of okay and stylish. To all those assholes who swore up and down that he didn't deserve his spot on the team, bollocks to you! Ha!
7. The better of my five senses is telling me that fall is here. If it's not officially here, it's at least in the neighborhood. Saying "summer is over" is just about as awesome for me as saying "the Yankees have been mathematically eliminated." I think it's just a happy coincidence that the end of summer coincides with the Yankees sucking. It means someone is smiling down on me from above somewhere.
6. You know I have to talk about Brett Farve. You know I do. My previous assessment remains relatively correct…the Jets still suck, they just suck with Brett Farve. They're two and two, which really isn't that bad…but I wouldn't go buying any playoff tickets yet. I mean, the Bears are two and two as well and they suck balls. That, however, is not my concern. My concern is that Brett Farve is a Jet and is still awesome. He threw six touchdowns yesterday. SIX! When he leans back and throws those bombing passes that find a receiver in the end zone, I scream my fool head off. There have been rare glimpses of joy being a Jets fan…but there's never really been any true excitement. Not in my lifetime anyway being that I was born after the Namath era. Now, thanks to that glorious cheesehead Farve, watching a Jets game is exciting. They may not always win…but it sure as sin isn't boring!
5. Gail and I put a shower together for our office's resident pregnant chick, Kim. For
those of you who have never thrown an office shower, let me just tell
you that keeping such an affair a secret from the person being
celebrated is a challenge, especially when you sit right near that
person. But we pulled it off…..Kim was totally surprised and the look on her face was AWESOME. She's
so cute anyway….but she was super cute with all her little gifts, and
her baby book that we got her that she really wanted but refused to buy
for herself, and her huge slice of chocolate cake. She was so funny about the cake. We
got her chocolate cake from Portillo's, her hands down favorite, and
despite the fact that there was a mountain of gifts for her, as soon as
she saw the cake, she was totally distracted. She was like "oooh, Portillo's chocolate cake. Do we have to open gifts first?" Typical pregnant chick. :-)
4. I've mentioned before that I've taken golf lessons. You guys are quick. I know you keep up. ;-) Anyway, I think all those golf lessons are paying off. I got my first Par Three a couple of weeks ago. This is an accomplishment for me. I've never gotten par before….not on anything that wasn't miniature golf, anyway. I was playing at the Square Links near my house, a short course good for beginners. I was on the 7th tee. I
smacked my little pink Precept ball with a six iron, carrying the water
that I usually end up heading straight for (if there's water on the
course, I'm hitting into it. It doesn't even have to be in play. It can be a deepish puddle on the cart path. If it's there, my ball is going in. It's a rule.) Then I smacked the little pink ball again with a pitching wedge and got it three feet from the cup. Then
I sauntered up to the green in my little pink golf shoes with my little
pink putter and tapped my little pink ball into the little not-pink cup
for a three-shot….par. Oh yeah. That's right. Mer is all pinked up and taking on the course and getting par. Taste my pain, bitches!
3. The pregnancy parade continues… I have yet another friend who is pollinated. I won't say who because she's all bent out of shape about people knowing. Everybody knows…but she's all stressed about it. Most of you know who it is though. The cutest thing about it is her husband. We
were out to dinner with the two of them Saturday night and she was
telling me about the morning she found out and her reaction and all
that and while she's telling the story, her husband, who is not usually
one for any kind of outward display of emotion, was sitting there with
a grin on his face all misty eyed. It was really precious. :-)
2. So, my friend Nikki is getting married. I've rambled on about this before. As any good bridesmaid would do, I took a trip with her to the wedding dress emporium to help her try on dresses. During this process, I got my first ever "it's the one!" moment. You
know, that moment where the bride puts a dress on and even though she's
got messy hair and no makeup on, she's the most beautiful she's ever
been and then you cry? You know what I'm talking about. I've never had that before. I didn't have it with my sister's wedding dress, or any of my mother's, or even my own. But I had it with Nikki. She put this one dress on and it was all over. I tried to hold it in….and I failed epically. It was like all the breath got knocked out of me, but in a good way. I
don't know if she's going to end up getting that dress because she's
got a couple that she likes but it was still a great moment. I've
heard people talk about that kind of moment and I've always kind of
felt like I'd missed out on something having never experienced it…..but
now I have, so, you know, I'm good.
1. Okay, so, you all know how I am with my obsessions. Once I start to really like something, it seems to take over a part of my being. Yes, well, I've found another to add to the list. I've
been hearing for some time that the Twilight series, a collection of
books by Stephenie Meyer about a human girl and a vampire boy who fall
in love and yadda, yadda, yadda. I've been kind of apathetic about the idea. More than one person told me that these books are a good source of methadone for Harry Potter addicts going through withdrawals. I
am one such addict…but I've been having a relatively good time of it
being that a Harry Potter movie was slated to come out this November. Then,
like some kind of cruel sick joke, Warner Brothers moved the film's
release to next June…and the withdrawals came on with a vengeance. The first of the Twilight books has been made into a movie, also slated to come out this November. The last time I went to the movies, I saw the trailer and it peaked my interest. So, in a fit of boredom at work, I downloaded all the Twilight e-books and got to reading. Yeah, totally sucked in. Totally. I got through all four books in less than two weeks. They are AWESOME. I
mean, they're written toward a female high school audience and some of
the plot elements are a little contrived….but I'm 31, not 15, so I
imagine that it looks a little different from my perspective. Nevertheless,
I cannot begin to tell you how entertaining these books are and how
easy it is to fall wretchedly in love with the main characters,
especially the damn vampire hero. I feel sorry
for the teenage boys of the world because their female counterparts are
going to hold them comparable to this vampire chap. So now, of course, I'm hyperventilating with anticipation for this stupid movie. I've watched the trailers online about a million times. I'm completely obsessed. So
much so that a silver Volvo with tinted windows pulled up next to me at
a stoplight the other day and I nearly went into heart failure. I couldn't help but laugh at myself. I
think part of the reason why I managed to love these books so fervently
in such a short amount of time is that the main characters, Edward and
Bella, remind me so much of my sister and her boyfriend (minus, of
course, that whole vampire thing) that it's eerie. Will is so Edwardish and Mary is so Bellaish. It's rather endearing. So, you know, it's always a happy day in Mer Land
There. Ten Happy Things. Still doesn't take away that hollow, empty feeling that only the Mets can leave me with…but it helps. Here's to the oncoming October. I will forewarn you, I have tickets to see the New Kids on the Block twice in October…so prepare yourself!
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