February 2009

All she wants to do is, all she wants to do is dance...

It’s always really bothered me that February only has 28 days (or 29 when it’s a Leap Year). Ever since I was a kid, it bothered me. I mean, why just one short month? Why can’t they take a day away from a couple of the 31 day months and give them to February to balance it all out? It’s just plain queer. Plus, it takes away from the total time I have in February to rack up ten things to be happy about…especially this particular February because this particular February has been my ass on roller skates. It’s just sucked…big time. But, that’s what makes Ten Happy Things so important…to remind me that when it’s bad, it’s still good. Nevertheless, I apologize if this month’s list is kind of lame. It’s been a bit of a hunt. And away we go…

10. A-Rod is a cheater. He’s such a cheater. I fucking love it. Gay-Rod, A-Roid, A-Fraud…whatever. He’s a big, cheating fool. I don’t care if it wasn’t banned back then or if his cousin shot him in the ass or he was young or he was pressured. I don’t care. Now he’s tarnished. I like when Yankees are tarnished…especially this Yankee. I love that Joe Torre wrote a book with little gems in it like confessing that the other pricks on the Yankees called A-Rod “A-Fraud”. I love it! You know what the best part about the whole A-Rod steroids thing was, though? It was all over the news….and it gave those of us in Illinois a little break from being the top news story all over the country with our Governors and our Senators and our Presidents. Thanks, A-Rod. Thanks for being a big fat idiot and giving the people of Illinois a short break! ;-)

9. Despite the A-Rod thing, I still hold to the idea that it’s too early for me to think about baseball. Nevertheless, I’ve been trying to keep mildly aware of what my boys are doing in Spring Training. So far, things are looking pretty good. That’s all I’m going to say for now because, you know, it’s just Spring Training…..but things are looking pretty good.

8. Okay, I’m going to preclude this by saying that I can’t believe I’m actually going to admit to this. Also, this is more of an announcement of a guilty pleasure than it is a happy thing but guilty pleasures make you happy so it works. My blog, my rules. Moving on. A couple of weeks ago, I was unable to sleep. It was like three in the morning and I was lying in bed wide awake. So, I decided to get up and go downstairs to take in some boob tube. I ended up watching “Step Up 2 the Streets” on some movie channel. I’ve not seen the first Step Up but I got the general gist…plus, it doesn’t seem that you need to have seen the first movie to get the sequel. Honestly, I don’t think you need an IQ above 10 to get the sequel…but that’s beside the point. Since that first viewing, I think I’ve watched the movie five or six times. If I see it on, I watch it. The acting is horrible. The story is beyond stupid. But the dancing is FASCINATING. I sit and I watch trying to figure out how the hell those kids move that way. It defies physics. And the final dance? Oh, forget about it. It’s like the hottest thing I’ve ever seen. The main character chick is smokin’ hot. Smokin’ hot! The main character dude is pretty hot too but he’s got nothing on the chick. She’s phenomenal. The final dance takes place in the rain and they’re all soaking wet and she’s scantily clad and dancing around with wet hair flying all over the place. It’s hot. And they do this one crazy move thing where she’s like a puppet and he’s making her breathe or whatever. I can’t really describe it but it’s crazy hot. Here, just watch and you’ll see what I’m talking about:








The movie has a lot of dancing but I’ll sit through the whole thing just for that last part. I know it’s so gay but I love it. What can I say?

7. My friend’s mom had a stroke. Like, a BAD stroke. Obviously, that’s not a happy thing. When I got the call, I dropped everything and took off for the hospital to be with my friend because she needed some support around her. When I got to the hospital, her mom was on death’s door. The doctors were telling her family to start making arrangements. It was looking pretty bleak. We all prayed and prayed….and you know what? She pulled through it. She’s not out of the woods and she’s got a long road ahead of her…but the grim reaper came knocking at her door and she kicked him right in the face. No one really knows what the long-term damage is going to be but my friend came really close to losing her mom this week and, thankfully, our prayers were answered and her mom’s looking good. :-)

6. Okay, so, even if you don’t watch golf or follow golf or know what golf is, you know about Tiger Woods. You know he’s been gone for a long while with a knee injury and you know that he made his grand reappearance this week. We all know that I’m not a Tiger fan. I mean, I don’t hate the man but he’s not a favorite. Actually, I’ve really enjoyed his being away. So why does his return rank as a Happy Thing, you ask? Well, for starters, it means everyone in the golf world will shut the hell up about “when is Tiger coming back?” Secondly, it means that every time another golfer wins a tournament, you won’t hear “well, who knows what would have happened if Tiger was in the field…” No one’s accomplishments will be downplayed because they didn’t win over Tiger. The “asterisk effect” is no longer an issue. Now, when my Sergio wins his first major, no one will say he only won because there was no Tiger. Unfortunately, golf on TV is going to go back to The Tiger Show Starring Tiger……but I’m used to that. It was fun without him while it lasted but at least now everyone can stop going on and on about the state of golf with no Tiger.

5. On Clark Street in the Lincoln Park neighborhood, there is a place called The Diamond Headache Clinic. If you can’t tell by the name, it’s a treatment center for headache sufferers. I have recently become a new patient at this clinic. I love this place. I love the doctors, I love the nurses, I love the techs. I love them all. They’re all magic. If you suffer from headaches, go there. They’ll help you.

4. I’ve been living on Advil for years. I have headaches every day. I have them so often that it’s kind of like a vacation if I don’t have a headache. When I went to the headache clinic, the nice doctor there gave me pills….lots of pills. I have pills to take every day that are supposed to help ward off headaches, I have other pills for when I have tension headaches, and I have other pills that are just for migraines. I know….that’s a lot of pills. But you know what? They WORK. I’m not going through Advil like water anymore. I don’t have a headache every day anymore. I don’t have to lie in bed for hours on end whimpering with migraine pain anymore. Better living through chemistry, baby!

3. Okay, here’s a funny thing that relates to the previous two. I’ve woken up with a headache every single day for over fifteen years. Most of the time, it’s not that bad and the headache is all but gone by the time I get out of the shower. Sometimes they linger a while longer. Sometimes they settle in for a long stay. Sometimes they turn into full out migraines. Blah, blah, blah. The headache doctor gave me a pill that I take every day that’s supposed to help with this issue. After two days on this medication, I woke up without a headache for the first time in years and years and years and years. When I opened my eyes and realized that I didn’t have a headache, I didn’t know what to do. I just kind of hung out there for a second, waiting. Nothing happened. So, I sat up and waited a little more. Nothing. I was afraid to make any sudden movements. I was afraid to make any noise in case the headache found me out. Slowly and carefully, I got out of bed and stood in my bedroom in my action pose ready to pounce should some kind of headache ninja jump out from behind the wall or something. I waited. Nothing. I went all day with no headache. I was almost giddy from it. Well, I might have been giddy from the medication because it had some fun side effects the first couple of days that unfortunately went away (like bursting into hysterical laughter at lord knows what at random intervals…that kind of thing). Nevertheless, it was a great day! Oh, and just for the record, since starting this medication, I can count on one hand how many mornings I’ve woken up with a headache. About 95% of the time, I don’t have one. How about that!

2. Okay, here’s the last bit about this headache thing, I promise. I have this thing with my thyroid and its nasty habit of not working. I’ve been arguing with doctors about this issue for the better part of six years. I’ve seen doctors and specialists and homeopaths and all manner of things. No one has been able to help. But the nice doctor at the headache clinic? He’s helping. He’s talking to me about things that my endocrinologist never did. He’s sending me for all these tests to pinpoint the problem and talking to me about all kinds of different things we can try to fix the problem once we figure out exactly what it is. God bless. You have no idea what a relief it is to finally…FINALLY…have a doctor who not only listens to me but actually wants to help as opposed to just blowing me off and giving me a drug that doesn’t help.

1. On March 6, 2009 Watchmen comes to theaters. Watchmen is the newest installment in the long line of comic book movies that have come to the screen in recent years. I’m not a big comic book person. I don’t read a whole lot of them…but I’ve read Watchmen and, let me tell you, it is probably the best comic book I’ve ever read. It’s in the same league as Sandman and V for Vendetta. It’s not your standard Batman-Superman-Wonder Woman kind of thing. It’s really more like literature than comics. Anyway…I’ve been waiting for this movie on baited breath. It’s taken FOREVER for them to make it and then get it out, thanks to a long lived dispute with Warner Brothers over distribution rights or some shit. I’ve seen all the trailers. It looks AWESOME. So, we’re going. A big group of us. We’re going on opening night and we’re seeing it…..on IMAX. Hellz yeah!

As a side note, I have a guy friend who is cute, smart, and funny and also happens to be single. I have another friend who herself is cute, smart, and funny and is also single. I am determined that these two meet. Both are attending the Watchmen IMAX extravaganza next Friday. I’m going to introduce them. I’m hoping they hit it off. Keep your fingers crossed.

There you have it. List completed. I’m still not past this whole short month thing…but I don’t think anything can be done about it at this point. I mean, what do I do? Who can I call? No one. I’ve got nothing. Again, I apologize for the general lameness this month. I had to really drag my ass through this list. It’s been a rough couple of weeks. That’s why it’s always good to know where your blessings are and where they come from….because it’s not always obvious. Happy month, readers! :-