April 2010

When you came in, the air went out...

For the first time in many moons, I actually had a running list of ten Happy Things done kind of early this month.  I could have easily sat down and written this month's list last week.  However, I usually like to hold out to see if something lovely will pop up in the last throes of the month (which, happily, occurred this month.  I actually had to swap the new Happy Thing out for a Happy Thing that happened earlier in the month.  I won't keep you in suspense....the eliminated Thing was the Red Sox beating the Yankees in the home opener.  It was easy to remove that one since the Red Sox have pretty much SUCKED ever since.  Sigh.)  I parenthetically digress... Being that this month's list was done a few days early, I'm hoping that this is a sign of things to come.  Speaking of things to come, here comes Ten Happy Things:

10.  I have been in the market for a new lunchbox since the cleaning crew at my office disposed of my old one.  It was nothing fancy.  It was just a blue nylon lunch sack kind of thing.  I left it in the fridge over the weekend and it got tossed out.  Jerks.  So, as a result of the cleaning jerk crew, I was in the market for a new lunchbox.  Behold my new lunchbox!

If you're a Firefly/Serenity fan like I am, you totally understand why this is the coolest lunchbox ever.  If you're not, well, you really need to get with it.

9.  I know that it didn't get very good reviews overall but I LOVED Clash of the Titans.  Loved it.  I don't know how everyone didn't love it.  I mean, hello?  Have you seen the original?  It's the silliest, campiest thing ever.  It's awesomely, awesomely bad.  Like just about everyone else my age, I adore it....but it's awesomely, awesomely bad.  The new Clash is not like the old Clash.  It's trying to take itself seriously, which is kind of ridiculous considering the subject matter but whatever.  I loved it.  It was fun and super entertaining and contained a new and improved Cracken that made me slide up the back of my theater seat.  Plus, it contains copious shots of Sam Worthington (which is not surprising considering he plays Perseus).  I'm majorly digging on Sam Worthington.  He's a new favorite of mine.  He's like Gladiator-era Russell Crowe but better.  If you live under a rock and you don't know who Sam Worthington is, he's the guy from Avatar....and Terminator: Salvation.  You know who he is.  Anyway, he's a babe and he talks in that kind of soft-spoken growl like Russell Crowe with the occasional Australian accent slip and, just, yeah.  Babe.  Anyway, he's not even the best part.  The best part of Clash of the Titans was this moment of unintentional humor that I'm sure all the Harry Potter fans watching the movie thought was hilarious.  Hades is outstandingly played by Ralph Fiennes.  Duh.  Of course it was outstanding.  It's Ralph Fiennes.  Anyway, he plays Hades and instead of being a kind of smarmy used car salesman like the (fantastic) James Woods portrayal in Disney's Hercules, Ralph's Hades is very dark and smokey and creepy.  He's literally smokey....as in, he travels around via black smoke and brimstone.  It's pretty cool.  Anyway, toward the end of the movie, Perseus is flying around on Pegasus and Hades just kind of pops out of nowhere in front of Perseus in this huge cloud of black smoke.  He's flying through the air in a big puff of pitch, black smoke.  Okay, Voldemort much?  It's a momentary image but when it flashed across the screen, I cracked up.  I wish I could find a picture of it because it's a pretty neat effect but nevertheless, VOLDEMORT MUCH?????  Hahahhahaaa!  Ralph Fiennes is going to be typecast for the rest of his life as a creepy dude who flies around via black smoke.  Brilliant.

8.  Last month, I wrote about the rare but happy occurrence of a Jim Furyk win.  Apparently I'm going to have to get used to this being a frequent, as opposed to a rare, occurrence.  Look!

That's good old Jim with the winner's trophy for the 2010 Verizon Heritage.  I love events where the winner gets a trophy and a fancy jacket.  I mean, look at that thing!  That's one slammin' jacket!  People think the green jacket from the Masters is what it's all about.  Pshaw!  I mean, yes, winning the Masters is awesome but there is no way a plain, green jacket is cooler than the blazer Jim's got on in that photo.  No way.  

7.  Speaking of the Masters, per usual my boy Ian was just dressed to the nines.  Just look at him:

He looks like a walking homage to Easter.  LOL!  Only Ian could pull off something like that.  Only Ian.  Relatedly, I've written several times in the past about Henrik Stenson and his try-but-fail approach to dressing like a lunatic.  Sometimes I worry that he took me to heart or something when I remember back to that time that he hit a shot in his underwear but deep down, I know I'm just not that influential.  Nevertheless, Henrik often tries to do a kind of quasi Ian Poulter look and he usually fails miserably.  He blends way too much snazz with way too much hum drum.  Like he'll wear crazy pants with a boring shirt and shoes.  It just doesn't work.  I mean, when Ian does it, he DOES it.  He's coordinated from head to toe to create a complete look.  Henrik just half asses it.  Poor guy.  However, during the second round of the Masters, Henrik had a break through.  Look:

Well alright!  Now THAT'S how you put an outfit together!  Mind you, I wouldn't say it's the best thing I've ever seen but at least he's not half assing it.  Plus, he's cute and he has a chick for a caddy so I let him get away with it.  :o)

6.  Okay, enough of golf.  (Somewhere in the distance, I hear Mary cheering.)  I'm not going to go on and on about this because I'm sure you're all pretty well versed in my feelings about tennis and Andy Roddick.....so I'll just cut to the chase.  Here:

Yeah, that's Andy.  Yeah, he's making a stupid face but he's got the trophy so who cares?  Andy's the big winner, folks.  He wins trophies and then he gets to go home and nail his hot, cover of the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue wife, Brooklyn Decker.  How great is Andy Roddick's life?

5.  Boys and girls, the Jets are coming to Chicago.  Living in Chicagoland, I don't get many opportunities to see the Jets play live and in person.  The last time the Jets played the Bears in Illinois was when the spaceship was being constructed in the middle of Soldier Field and the Bears had temporarily relocated downstate to Champaign.  That had to be something like five or six years ago.  Yes, well, the new schedule has been released and the Jets will be playing the Bears at the Solider Field Spaceship on December 26th.  I'm going to spend Boxing Day as probably the only member of Gang Green in a sea of drunk Bears fans.  It's all good.  I like Bears fans.  If you watch the game, look for me.  I'll be the only person in the Spaceship wearing all green.  ;o)

4.  A couple of weekends ago, I went to a Bachelorette Party for a wedding that I'm standing up in.  When I'm out with this particular group, I'm usually the one nobody pays any attention to.  Let's be frank.  All the girls in that group are gorgeous and tiny.  They all think they're fat (even though if you averaged them all together, you'd probably come up with a size 8) but they're all tiny....and then there's me.  I've accepted that my body is a punk ass bitch and wants to be chubby no matter what I do.  Have hypothyroid, will chub.  It's just how it is and I can deal with it, mostly because it's given me an awesome rack.  Anyway, when I'm out with this group, I usually sit back and enjoy myself watching guys fall all over themselves at these chicks.  They're usually pretty oblivious about it, which makes it funnier.  However, we were all out at Martini Park for this Bachelorette Party and for a really radical change, I was getting hit on.  I don't know if it was because I was drunk off my rocker and dancing my ass off or what but I was getting hit on.  By white guys no less!  That like NEVER happens.  I get hit on pretty steadily by black dudes because I've got a big 'ol ghetto bootie but I almost never get any white dude action.  That night, I did.  There was the one really tall dude who was all about the dancing Mer and then later there was this infant who absolutely made my night.  He comes up to me and he says "I can tell by looking at you that you would just dominate me, wouldn't you?  Like, I wouldn't survive."  I asked him "how old are you?" and he responded with "21!"  21?  Oh good grief.  So I said to him "little boy, I would break you" and the boy just swooned.  It was so funny.  I actually thanked him.  I was like "dude, thank you! I don't usually get this kind of attention when I'm out with this group."  He looked at the other girls and then looked back at me and said "well, that's just stupid.  You're beautiful!  Who the hell wants a bunch of stick figure girls?"  I could have kissed him.  Let me just say that I know I'm married and all that and I would never do anything that would go against my vows......but it was a hell of an ego boost.  He told me my husband was a lucky man.  I think he's right.  :o)

3.  I am happy and proud to say that I can finally call myself a proper Italian woman with a proper Italian kitchen.  I have purchased a set of giant wooden utensils and mounted them on my kitchen wall.  Behold!

I am so friggin giddy about that spoon and fork, I can't even tell you.  I was literally jumping up and down with glee while Joe was putting them on the wall.  My Nonna had a set.  Her mother and all her sisters had a set.  All my Nonno's sisters had them.  Every Italian lady I knew growing up had them.  Even Raymond's mother on Everybody Loves Raymond has them.  And now, I have them too.  Viva Italia e viva Sicilia!

2.  Waiting sucks, my puppies.  Waiting really sucks.

I just love Pam.  I love Eric too but Pam is my favorite.  I love the way those two banter with each other, even when the banter is facial expressions instead of dialogue.  I wish there was a Pam and Eric show.  Everyone else could go, especially Bill who I LOATHE (read the books.  He may seem nice on the show but read the books.  He's an incredible asshole).  Just give me a show about Pam and Eric.  That would be an epic win.

1.  Joe got me a cow.  It's not a real cow.  It's a pillow cow.  Here, look:

It's called a Pillow Pet.  There's loads of them.....lady bugs and pandas and dogs and ducks and all kinds of things.  I have the best one, the cow.  You can either keep it rolled up so it looks like a cow or you can unfurl it so it's like a pillow with a head.  Let me tell you, this thing is heaven.  I usually sit on the couch with a small pillow in my lap.  Lately, it's been this Red Sox pillow that Toph got me for Christmas.  Then the cow came.  I cannot tell you how much I love this thing.  It's soft and silky and plush and wonderful.  I sit on the couch and watch my shows and hug my cow.  Yes, I know I'm 33 and that's too old to have a woobie.  I know that this product was designed for a toddler.  I don't really care.  The cow is soothing and I love it.  Moo!

I just went through this whole list and realized there's no hockey on it.  The Blackhawks and my Penguins are in round two of the playoffs.  Maybe I subconsciously didn't want to jinx it.  Shit.  Did I just jinx it now?  Dammit!  Foo.  Hopefully I'll be able to include some happy hockey Things next month.  I'll keep my fingers crossed for your Blackhawks if you keep your fingers crossed for my Penguins, deal?  Outside of that, enjoy the approaching warm weather (if that's what you're into) and be well.  May is a busy month for me so we'll see how it goes.